5.24.2007

Birthday reading

Courtesy of tarot.com, I got a birthday reading that I finally did. It really had some interesting issues within it...see below...I'd like your take on it as well, as it appears you've got much more experience at tarot than myself, I'm still a learner.

Self: Two of Coins

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Wait patiently for circumstances to sort themselves out.

The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now.

With the Two of Coins in this position, you are in the midst of a decision. A superficial examination reveals little difference between your alternatives, and trying to get hints from the environment isn't working, either. This situation is like trying to read a coin flipping in the air.

Be patient. Let some time pass so that circumstances have a chance to sort themselves out. As the coin falls, the situation's mixture of influences will reveal itself, and you will have a better basis for the choice or decision you have to make. It's easy in circumstances like these to feel an undue sense of urgency and to act before you think. But there is no need to respond too quickly at this time.

Situation: Five of Wands

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
When circumstances that were harmonious get conflicted, focus on the whole rather than your individual part.

The card that lands in the Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.

The Five of Wands in this position indicates something in the environment may be pitting you against your peers, your teammates, co-workers or family members. Once harmonious relationships could now be fraught with one-upmanship and negative comparisons.

It's very difficult to remain centered and not get caught up in conflicts and competition. In a situation like this, consider the big picture and don't get taken in by petty disagreements. Step back and try not to take things personally.

**** I think this has a lot to do with my job - we've got a new trainee in and I'm feelin' a little threatened. I know I have a unique position,, and I know I'm doing a good job, but sometimes I just can't hold back the worry. Today was one of those days, and grounding and centering myself didn't help.


Challenges/ Opportunities: Nine of Wands

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Giving someone else a chance to test their ability helps us learn to share in and support the achievements of others.

The card that lands in the Challenges/Opportunities position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.

When the Nine of Wands is in this position, the challenge is to resist the idea that you must swoop in and save the day. A person who instinctively leaps to heroics can fixate on the glory it will bring to the self, actually diminishing their capacity to serve the greater good. This is not to say you shouldn't do your personal best.

Sometimes we just need to stand back and let someone else have the glory, so we become better at sharing in and supporting others' accomplishments. There are usually enough challenging tasks to go around; it's not necessary for you to take the lead role in all of them.

***** Again, the job. I'm trying to take this to heart, I really am.

Foundation: Judgment

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
You have paid your dues and understand the process.

The card in the Foundation position points to influences from your personal history, your roots and background.

The Judgment card suggests that you have learned something about redemption. You have either done transformative work or have had a teacher. The experience has shown you how people survive and even flourish after deep inner work.

In the process of expanding your consciousness, you have learned how resourceful, deep and multidimensional a human being can be. Life force resurrects itself from the deepest levels no matter how tragic or sacrificial one's experience has been. When this mystery is fully understood, you will possess exceptional confidence and fearlessness.

*****I believe that this has a lot to do with REIKI and my attachment to this great healing way...because of it,, I'm searching myself much more honestly and I am considering doing Shiatsu as an adjunct...never to make money, only for myself. Or to volunteer. It brings out a side of me I never considered before.

Recent Past: Six of Cups

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Enact and embody those values from the past that can enrich your world today.

The card in the Recent Past position refers to events that are just departing, recently influential but now diminishing in power.

With the Six of Cups in this position, a recent experience is powerfully nostalgic. It draws your energy and attention away from current situations back to a memory that is still compelling. This inner image is strongly symbolic; it reminds you of what might have been. Although some elements of those cherished memories are worth bringing into your present life, don't spend too much time on memories.

If the experience nourishes you, then the best response is to generate more of the same kind of energy and share it with those around you. Think of those past experiences as examples of ways you can choose to be in the present. Let proven ideals and attitudes energize you now, no matter how much circumstances may have changed.


Higher Power: Ten of Coins

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Through you, gifts are carried forward from the past. Prove yourself worthy of this legacy.

The card in the Higher Power position reflects the broader perspective and influence of your conscience, Guardian Angel, inner wisdom.

When the Ten of Coins comes up in this position, it indicates that you are a link in a chain of souls that embodies achievement on a scale that could impact future generations. Such people provide the yeast that raises everyone's quality of life.

You must see to it that you remain worthy of this good fortune. Ask yourself how you can best use this unique position you are in. Look to your larger goals now. Because you have the connections, the funding, and the clout, it is up to you to bring them into manifestation.

***** I think this has something to do with a new pathway I'm discovering in myself. An urge to help others, which is really interesting for me, as I never really wanted to before. It's still all in abeyance, but it's there.

Near Future: The Emperor

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Your performance skills have drawn the attention of potential patrons and others.

The card in the Near Future position indicates which way the wind is blowing with regard to your situation. If you follow the Advice card, however, you can improve on or neutralize tendencies.

The Emperor in this position suggests that a powerful ally or a support system is coming available that may help carry you to the top. Your sincere efforts may have attracted the attention of someone truly influential. Perhaps some connections you had made are finally bearing fruit. Or it could be that you possess an idea whose time has come and the right investor or associate is conveniently at hand to help you out.

Now isn't the time for false modesty or insecurity. In truth, your abilities call forth opportunity. If people who wish to support excellence find their way to your doorstep, consider it a natural consequence of your own efforts. You may as well enjoy it and invite them in for tea!

***** This rocks, but I don't know what it's for. I figure I'll find out soon enough.

Blocks & Inhibitions: The Tower

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Sometimes the cost of self-control is simply too high.

The card in the Blocks position points to self-undermining tendencies, areas where you could be in denial, where you could get stuck -- unless you examine yourself and make some corrections.

When the Tower appears in this position, you are suppressing a tremendous emotional charge and it is taking a toll on your body. This lightning bolt, instead of being released, finding its target, getting grounded and spending itself, is trapped within your body, zapping your internal organs and nervous system.

Consider whether you are suppressing a truth that should be acknowledged, spoken and acted upon. Taking those steps will set loose the lightning that creates permanent change. Allow your desperate desire to be on the other side of this issue to overcome the fear of invoking change. The energy is simply too intense to contain.


Allies: Wheel of Fortune

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Refresh your life with an infusion of new ideas and possibilities others can share with you.

The card in the Allies position points to people who can be supportive or helpful to you at this time.

The Wheel of Fortune in this position suggests that change is working for you. You are gaining some distance from the past. Stuck energy is dispersing and new patterns are forming. With this positive change comes new relationships, connections and opportunities. This card in this position recommends that you look for fresh contacts -- different kinds of minds and personalities to exchange with. Find a way to become exposed to the diversity the world offers and get a larger sense of how broad the spectrum of possibilities is. Spend time with others who share this quest. Keep your options open.


Advice: Page of Swords

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Circumstances call for anonymous action even if you would prefer to receive credit.

The card in the Advice position suggests a course of action which will harmonize what you want with what is currently possible.

When the Page of Swords (in some decks, a Princess) is in this position, the situation requires subtle change in order for it to be brought to the highest good for all concerned. In contrast to times when one can best serve the greater good by being visible and heroic, this is a time when you must keep your own counsel, cover your tracks and stealthily accomplish what would be impossible to complete without privacy.

Reduce your profile and increase your anonymity, no matter how your self-image might suffer. Although it would be gratifying to accomplish what needs to be done and be aboveboard about it, that cannot be a priority at present.


Long-term Potential: Four of Cups


POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
You are languishing in a dangerous morass of self-gratification; your spirit requires fresh energy and challenges.

The card in the Long-term Potential position points to unknowns still taking shape. It is the "wild card" yet to be played.

The Four of Cups in this position says that if you continue with too little to do and insufficient interest in what is around you, you may fall into a dangerous period of self-absorption, narcissism and unhealthy emotions. Separated from the fresh-flowing stream, you have been swept into a muddy eddy that lacks the cleansing effects of the current.

There is a danger of emotional, physical or mental toxicity from laziness or self-indulgence. How far do you really want to persist in this? How long can you tolerate something this boring and alienating? How can you break this trance and come alive again?

***** WTF? Where did this one come out of? Left field? I mean (giggle), is the universe telling me I'm wasting my time at a frickin advertising job or what? I think it's all in my path anyway, and I'm just doing what was laid out for me, but still.

I'd love any comments you guys have to make.

5.21.2007

Happy birthday to me.

And a top of the morning to you, too.

Well, it's not actually my birthday. But it was yesterday. I had lots of nice calls, and today got hugs from everyone at work.

Yesterday, over the weekend, I took stock of my life. Do you do that? I do, every birthday. I do do it during the year, too, but mostly that day is one for reflection. No boozy parties for me, oh no.

I really like what I see developing. I did the Reiki - een wanting to do that for ages. I've come "out" of the broom closet to the hubs - who wasn't very surprised. I've stuck with this blog now a long time, long for me. I've got the cats, one of whom loves me and one who tolerates me but worships the hubs, and that is great. We're getting ready to finally buy a car - first one in three years - and I'll get to drive it to my work, thus cutting down on a huge amount of stress and negativity in the train. I am finding pathways in myself and re-habitualizing myself in ways I never would have thought. I'm finding an inner peace that just rocks.

What am I doing that is still bothering me? I tend to get negative real quick. I can't handle people around me - a crush of people just makes all my hair stand on end. I'm still drinking coke and eating sugar, and I've really tried to keep that down. I'm not working out like I should, but more than I did. My backbone is not as sharp and strong as I'd like...but at least I've reached the point where I feel comfortable starting things, which is a huge accomplishment.

What do I want to do this year? I want to do Reiki 2 in six to eight months, if possible. I want to renovate this room I'm living in - odds are we'll stay in Dortmund and I'll commute, which means we can have a far nicer room for what we'd pay for a hovel in Köln. I want to do the basic course in Shiatsu, with a planned path to making that more of my life. I want to find a way to help society out...the people in it. Maybe abused kids. After all, I know what they feel like, and I think I'd be able to do something there. I don't know what exactly, but it's something I really want to examine and make more of myself of. I want to lose the rest of this nasty weight I'm carrying around, but if I can#t do it all at once that's okay, I'll be patient. Oh - and keep the job past six months and get a raise.

Not too much to chew off, hmmm?? (sniff)

I'm putting this up here because I think I'll be doing this blog next year, and I want to hold myself acountable. I think it's possible to do.

So happy birthday to me. I'm on the right track I think.

5.13.2007

Don't knock it til you've tried it.

SO.

Tonight I sit, having virtuously bathed and cleaned both the boy Cats, and I have a day off tomorrow...for ChristiHimmelfahrt, a Christian holiday (the German translation is "Christ drives to heaven" Isn't that funny? Dude probably owns a Prius). The Germans go BIG TIME for all the Christian days, some years we've got almost 1 holiday day a month for some Christian thing or other. Gotta love that.

But anyway. I had my first Reiki level two weekends (on Saturday 5.5) ago, and have had a little time for it to sink in, so to say.

I found my Reiki teacher online. My first requirement? That I felt intuitively that the person was good. I had looked at females and males, and really had felt that I should have a female teacher, but it didn't work out. Einar came in the picture and I felt very good towards him, so onward I went.

It was a four-hour train ride (with changes) getting there, but worth every minute. The scenery was great, the hubs wasn't there on the weekend and the boys had each other pretty well under control.

Start off: Einar is a total hippie, but I like it that way. He's lived in Tibet, and met up with the Dalai Lama, which I think is highly cool. So we talked a long time about Reiki, what it is, why I want it, and everything. He doesn't give it to just "anyone", he never does Distance initiations, as he feels that he needs to see the person's soul before agreeing to give them the Initiation (no naughtiness or anything, he just doesn't have that in him). I hadn't felt so calm around a male I'd hardly met before, and usually that is a real problem for me. So finally it came time, and he prepared the Reiki room, and ushered me in.

He started, and my eyes were closed. I was so worried - what if it didn't work, what if I couldn't do it, worst of all: what if it wasn't real, and people just screwed you out of money for nothing. Gradually, my whirling thoughts came into order, and I became aware of my spine tingling. And warm. It was the strangest thing ever. Sooo warm. And then a rushing of relaxation just washed over me, and I felt almost faint.

After the initiation, we went through the hand positions, and I gave myself Reiki, and afterwards was even more chill. I don't know how I got home...I think I was half comatose.

And I've made sure it's stuck. I take the time to do it to myself every day, and it's helped my meditation immensely. The Cats love it too - the new boy a little more, he will sit and take it as long as I give it to him. The Cat not so much - but I think that he is so stable and knows he is so well-loved (plus hasn't had anything bad happen to him in his whole life other than baths) that he doesn't need it as much. But the Blue Cat definitely. He adores it.

The difference in myself? I can feel it, when it comes through. It gives me so much relaxation and calmness, and my stress level has gone so much down, it is not even funny. (And this with someone from my work stealing my laptop this week - this tells you the level of calmness I've reached).

I really like it. Now I've got to work on my positions and my feeling for the energy of a person, then I'll do the second level with the distance healing signs...which will totally float my boat. But I have to wait - Einar believes that you must first work on the Reiki 1 to have Reiki 2 be strong.

So great.

GREAT blog

I've not always been a cat person. No really. Mostly I've been a dog person - until the Cat came along and conquered me utterly. Now I am a cat person. I still love dogs - don't get me wrong - but the cats really have a unique attitude on life that I've found I myself share in a lot of ways.

If you're a cat person - or you just really appreciate witty, charming writing - I would suggest you visit Abbie the Cat has a Posse. It's a blog, about a black cat and another, the Pirate cat. I know this sounds like total bosh, but believe me and just read it. Start at the beginning - 2001. It's one of the few truly unique blog voices I've found on the net that wasn't pagan-related.

So capital.

What I've Been Doing.

First off: er, sorry.

I had totally planned on writing during the week, but once again, it's got away from me. Here it is Sunday, and I'm writing the post I had planned for Wednesday at the latest. Oh well. Do please forgive me.

I've been flying a little low under the radar, as we got the new boy, Blue, 1.5 weeks ago. It's been quite an experience.

Poor little boy came out of the crate (he flew from Czech) so upset - and he was in the hubs' arms from the first moment - mot making another mistake like that again! He bonded well to him, tho. Purring and all that. We were a little overwhelmed by his condition - skin and bones was being far too charitable an impression of him. Seriously, he grossed us out - what *was* this owner doing to him?

We finally got him home - he slept in hubs arms on the way as I drove - and we went up to our flat and directly into another little pit of Hells.

The Cat Detested him. I mean, detested. I picked him up, the Cat, to cement his position as "my" cat, so he wouldn't get unneccessarily upset. Toooooo late.

He hated poor Bllue on sight. Followed him around, hassled him, bit him - the Cat is far more in condition than poor Blue, and used his weight to really push him around. I checked with my breeder friend, who said Sphynxes were really easy to assimilate, and wonder of wonders, she's never tried two adult castrated males together before. Poor Cat and Blue were the guinea pigs, I guess.

It went on for about a week, the Cat full of hate and poor Blue completely uncertain as to what he should do - but in the end, finally, they clicked.

Here are my two helpers in the kitchen:

He is very intent on eating everything in sight. But you can see, he is still quite skinny compared to the sumo-Cat (left).

This is the boys on a typical day now - FINALLY - as captured by the father-in-law when he came upstairs to check on them:

It's a cat paradise.

And here is our new boy Blue sleeping under the covers. He absolutely adores that. For the first few days when we thought he had ran away or was hiding, turns out he was sleeping under the blankets:

The Cat is also completely changed. As he gets all his aggression out running and playing with Blue, there are no more scarred hands on either me or hubs from playing with him. He's also MUCH happier with a friend. Much much happier. me too.

5.06.2007

Long time, no hear

I'm back. More tomorrow, but I'm back.

I just had my first Reiki-level on Saturday, and experiencing some wonderful things. I'll bring you all up to speed this week, so never fear.