Epiphanies in Small, non-hairy packages
Last night I realized I was stressing myself into being sick - again. No sleep (or when I did, bizarre dreams), poor eating habits and an overload of too-powerful feelings about a job was doing me no good.
As I was sitting, clearing my mind and playing with the Cat, I realized: I can do nothing more about this job than I am already doing. I'm completing my assignments early, checking with everyone to see if they need help, and on completely friendly terms with everyone. I'm coming in at 9 am (after a commute of 2 hours) and working until 6 or so...earlier and later than the guy that has the job I replaced this month (he's on holiday, which is why I got the month of freelancing, and who had a commute of 1 hour and showed up at 10:30 daily).
I'm doing all. I. Can. Do.
So I sat, and got the Cat calmed down, and just thought about it. I have done all I can. I will speak to him today about possibly having a sit-down next Tuesday about whether they want me longer or not.
I can't make up his mind for him. He is his own person, and he makes it.
I am obsessing unhealthily about this. So I've got to stop. I looked at all the bonuses and perks of the job (salary, how much I like doing it, etc etc, HOW MUCH I WANT IT) and then I let it go. Or tried to. It's going to happen or not, and I'm doing all I can.
That's what I keep telling myself.
It worked with the sleep, at least: last night I slept entirely through the night and only got up at 7 (I had to work at the language school this am, I go to this job in the afternoon) which is much better than lately. The Cat was helpful enough to sleep entirely through the night as well, only waking up at 7 too.
So I'm trying to chill. I'm using the color idea of AZs to meditate, which seems to be the most beneficial for me thus far. The Cat being there always helps, and I see certain other house inhabitants out of the corners of my eye when I'm trying, so that helps too.
I write to calm down.
7 comments:
You'll get there, I'm postive. Eli and the cat are both there to help.
We as humans and by nature, as women, we worry. We worry about things that we can control, and we worry ourselves sick over things we cannot. Just our nature, I don't know why we do this, but it seems we all do.
We're here for you and have your back. lol.
Hugs.
We may be sharing some freakazoid energy right now. You know how nuts I have been lately.
But I'm much better now that I've rearranged my situation and given myself a little more breathing room. Maybe you will be better soon too, since you are letting go and realizing that you are doing all that you can.
If anything, I've come to realize that worry may actually WORSEN the chances of what I want coming to fruition, because of all the negative energy being sent.
Debbi, You rock. Tuesday is the day I find out. I find I'm reading farrrr too much into the situation, so I'm really trying to chill.
Little man (the Cat) gets the nuts off tomorrow, so that is taking my mind off it pretty well.
AZ - we are seriously sharing some freak energy. I keep having the strangest dreams about it, it's not even funny...so twisted.
At least I have my YUMMMMMMMMY mac and cheese for those particularly sh*tty days...**HUG**
Hi Genhywfar,
I've had a lot of success with visualization meditations -- especially when I'm looking for specific pieces of advice or wanting to talk to a guide. The technique I use is very simple, but in my experience it works best if (1) you can quiet your heart and mind ahead of time (otherwise the signal from Beyond is VERY fuzzy), and (2) you're good at visualizing (imagining) richly. I have a lot of my meditation experiences on my blog; here is a description of how I do it. Alternatively, if you just want some peace :-), you might try here.
Hey Jeff,
First off, thanks for visiting my blog. I'm a regular reader of yours. ;)
I'll go check out your links. I wonder if I just have too much going on now, but then I think hey, meditation would be good right now. Such a double standard.
Sure thing, Genhywfar! -- You certainly do have a lot going on right now. Remember your guides have got your back! Good luck!
Thank you, Jeff! I tried your meditation, and it was actually really good! I like the thought of sending out love and strength to the world, not just me, when I am sitting there. It was really nice! I'm going to try and do it every day.
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