Whee updates

First off: yummy yummy yummy. I am all better now; the mac and cheese, combined with the Doritoes and oreos fought off these puny little German bugs like nobodies' business. I am all better!

The Cat a-d-o-r-e-s the Doritoes. We shared chips - 1 for him, 1 for me, and so on. He doesn't like the oreos, but the dog does. I had to give him a couple, 'cause he was whining.

Job outlook? Pretty good. I went on Thursday and had a great interview - I work there for the month of February as a freelancer anyway, and two weeks in we'll decide if we like each other and, if so - I GOT the job starting March 1!!! V. exciting. They are a total class act. Plus their client is so well known and I don't have that particular market in my repetoire yet, so they are loads ahead.

The freelancing job (on Thursday night) is great, but I wonder if I'll be able to do it having a fulltime job. Right now it's not an issue, as they don't have it yet (gotta make the pitch to the client first) but if they do, I've got that too. That is some crazy shizzle.

The interview today was a joke. I was so disappointed - I showed up, they were in a meeting 30 minutes late! then I saw them for five minutes - where they informed me:

- they had something they wanted me to do (I have the sneaking suspicion this was the intent all along)
- they hadn't got together any kind of job offer, but how low would I be willing to go? (classy, huh?)
- I would be part of the beauty team (a joke if you know me, I'm the biggest tomboy imaginable, but anyway)
- oh, and could I please finish this one little thing before I left? (five Television treatments, hello!! do I look like a sucker??)

I thought this was a job interview! After I got finished being mad, I had to laugh about it. The taxi driver (taking me back to the main train station) asked me why I kept huffing. I was still mad at this time, so I said, "it's 'cause I wouldn't work there if I had to!" he laughed but it's true. I was so disappointed.

So I have one serious fulltime if I can blow their socks off, which I think is possible. Thank goodness Imbolc is this Friday - I have it off and I will be able to enjoy the holiday properly. Then for the entire month of Friday I'm between Dortmund and Köln, which is great.

I have to do some meditation and calm my brain, because it is heavily fried fried fried.

OY!!!

I'm suddenly feeling an upswing in my sickness.

MY MAC AND CHEESE, OREOS, and DORITOES are sitting at the house!! Whee!!! Dads-in-law just called! WOOT!!

So I'll veg in front of the telly, eating my favourite meal, watching Harry Potter!!

La la la!!!!!

*happy dance**

Little Update

I'm sorry - in between interviewing, working and taking Care of the Cat, I've additionally been as sick as a dog, coughing up a lung, and wishing I was dead. (I look dead, which is step 1 of the process)

I'm coming back to life, and I promise a nice big fat read on Monday afternoon (after the last interview, which for some reason wants me to bring a laptop with. ??)

Hmm. Unreasonable and irrational?

The New York Times (that bastion of right-sided correctness) has weighed in on the subject of magical thinking in an article titled: Magical Thinking It kind of makes me laugh...if you have a high patience level, go read it.

I was just reading through it (it does seem geared to those basic parlor trick types) when a paragraph jumped out at me:

"It is of interest to note,” Dr. Keinan concluded, “that persons who hold magical beliefs or engage in magical rituals are often aware that their thoughts, actions or both are unreasonable and irrational. Despite this awareness, they are unable to rid themselves of such behavior."

Iiiiiiinteresting. I can admit to feeling self-conscious, worried that I was not visualizing correctly, or that I was not in the right level in my head to have the spell be successful, but *never* have I felt that my thoughts and actions in my magical way are unreasonable and irrational. Have you?

And didn't one say once that any level of technology above the basic level might as well be explained away to another person as magic?

****
Intuition level: good
Feeling: nervous yet calm, how random
plans: haircut and dye today, interview tomorrow!

Please light your power candles! ;)

Lalala!

Welp. I've got my appointment!

WOOT!!!

I got an email this morning. I had sent a return email, asking if I'd chased him off. (LOL) I have worked with them before on freelancing projects and we were all on a really great first name basis, so I felt like I could do that without turning him off.

I got an email back: "Naw, I didn't forget you, just getting the budget together for a new copywriter. Why don't we meet up Monday. The team loves you, and that's most important."

I have an INTERVIEW ON MONDAY!!! WHEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****

Short update: I now have another job interview on Thursday in Köln (cologne), which is in the west and far away from Berlin and Leipzig.

I'd laugh, but I'm too busy shaking my head in disbelief...You guys have some POWER candles!

I still like Berlin best, but we'll see. Always nice to have options!!

Thoughts on Childhood

In thinking about intuition and how to re-open it for myself/relearn what I've lost, my thoughts keep returning to a point in my childhood when I got myself backed into a corner, and where this certain part of me just withered and died.

I grew up in a very Catholic-repressed household. You didn't question, you didn't think, you just did. Well, my parents, my little sister and brother did. I had more of a problem with it than they did, for awhile.

This particular time.... It was for confirmation - you know that? (If you're a catholic, you do). Where you go and have lots of talks and after school crap at the church, you speak with the youth group director and priest and pick a name for yourself? This is a turning point in the church, as this is the first of the times that you can actually have a say in your church and education therein.

I'd always been a pretty indifferent churchgoer. Nothing for it ever did anything for me; well, almost nothing. Have you ever seen a midnight mass, with the candles glowing through the darkness, incense smoking, and people chanting? Pretty pagan to me. But I digress.

This confirmation thing created a huge problem. I wanted to know *why* I couldn't go outside and pray. Not in the church, not with the people, not with the drunken joke that was the priest, or the closet lesbian that was the church youthgroup pastor (too afraid of coming out and losing her job). If God was in the details, I argued, then I wanted to be out in the nature that he created and not in the stifling, green-carpeted church that shoved my soul into the floor every time I was in it.

And if I couldn't do that, well, I wasn't going to be confirmed. And they *had* to have my approval and "want" to be able to go forward (or so they said). I had lots and lots of talks after that; mostly the youth group director and the priest taking turns tag-teaming me, arguing constantly. I still wasn't having any of it (I can be stubborn, you know).

And I'm sorry, but I remember their arguments, and "cause the bible told me so" just didn't cut it. They ended up having to bring the parents in, mistakenly thinking that would help. NOPE! Not a bit. The little brother and sister were brought in, food was withheld, horse time denied, everything.

But the thing was - I knew I was right, on a deep, deep level. I didn't feel anything in the church; no transcendental moments, no bliss, nothing. It was all outside where I felt it, when I was riding my horse through the plains, exploring with my two dogs, living in nature. And if they weren't going to accept that (or at least ACKNOWLEDGE it) then well, I wasn't going to go for the confirmation thing.

So what happened? After holding the entire process up (the lemmings were totally for it) over three weeks, my father beat the living crap out of me and informed the priest and youth group person I accepted it. The youth group person picked a name for me (very tongue in cheek: Francis, for St Francis of Assissi) and the whole thing went through. I decided I would be sick on the confirmation day, and didn't go (it was all I could do).

All the struggle, all the pain, for some stupid hour. It really brought my soul down, and cast my intuition into the pit of despair. There it lay, unused and ignored, until last year.

Now it comes back with a vengeance, and I remember all the things that happened before. I think that with the awareness and return of the intuition, the lock on my memory has been opened, and that part I don't like, as there is a lot in there I would rather forget. But remembering and knowing I lived through it makes me stronger, and ever more determined to do what I think is right.

This includes my intuition, which I welcome back with open arms, despite the pain.

Fun with the Macbook

My hubs got a Macbook from his phd job, and he let me play with the Cat with it (while I wait to hear back: I should have something next week).

He was pretty good-natured about it (both the Cat and the hubs) and I had a blast. It did me good, getting my mind off possible decisions for next week.

Ze iCat.



The Cat as a ray of light (I really liked this)


The Cat in Negative



Pretty watercolor-like:

Fun, fun fun!

Now the Cat sleeps, hubs works and I go to check everyone elses' life out. I'll let you know as soon as I have anything on the GREAT POSSIBILITY.

Checking the Tarot...

Over at Tarot.com, I did the pick six...

	how you feel about yourself now (Death) Perhaps you feel that everything as you have known it is falling apart. Unexpected changes and turmoil, end of a job, end of a career, divorce or end of a relationship, recovering from a bereavement or fear of bereavement. Try not to worry too much, this time of absolute endings heralds a brand new beginning, a period of great transformation.
	what you most want at this moment (The Devil) The cards suggest genhywfar, that what you most want at this time you can’t have, like the forbidden fruit, which makes it all the more tempting. Or you could go for it but you know that it would be a bad choice and for all the wrong reasons. Yes, you want passion and gratification - just be careful where you go looking for it.
	your fears (The Star) You are fearful of the future and rather lacking in self-belief - you are afraid your hopes will be dashed. Well don’t be, this is your wish card - a time of joy and fulfilment. Good health, possibly after a time of illness, and good fortune that will give you a new zest of life. If considering a new love affair, new job or career, or travel, then go for it. You may also receive a gift or gifts!
	what is going for you (The World) Success, fulfillment and conclusion are near at hand - the successful outcome to a venture, satisfaction in a relationship and efforts rewarded. It is a culmination of events and indicates material wealth and greater spiritual awareness. You may choose to buy that dream house or a wonderfully fulfilling relationship is on offer, enjoy!
	what is going against you (Wheel Of Fortune) A run of bad luck here, perhaps already evident or certainly signs that things are not going your way. The responsibility of important decisions weigh heavy with you where there are choices to make. Trust your intuition, and even if you have to make the painful decision to give up something in order to move on, then have the courage to do it. Trust that The Wheel of Fortune constantly turns and whilst it may be against you at the moment it will in time turn and bring you good fortune.
	outcome (Strength) Courage and self-belief is what you need to succeed. You may already feel overflowing with this, and if so there’s no doubt you will achieve what you want with your career, finances and love life. If you are feeling negative, look inward for that strength and courage, you know you are capable of having self-belief and you’ll reap great rewards.

Blogging without a cause

Well, today I am officially not worth a sack of sh*t. Be warned! No interesting post about life or magic today, just little me and a life detail.

I have the very real possibility of getting a job. In Berlin. 1.5 hours away from Leipzig. With an agency I really like (I've done freelancing with them), doing a job that was made for me in the upperworld. Who will still let me do my freelancing on the side, to help my creativity.

Who emailed me this morning and advised they would talk with their International Creative Director (whoa!) and get back to me with a salary offer. Who said if I liked said offer, they'd like to invite me to Berlin to meet everyone and have an interview. To start asap.

Who I have not yet heard back from after emailing back that sounded lovely.

I am sick as a cat nervous. I've located a flat. I've got freelance income that will take care of the deposit.

I am obsessing over this job. I thought blogging about it would calm my fears. Riiiiiight. But it does make me feel better. This is what I've been asking you to send me power for, and so far it's working. I've been talking with my guardians (totem-like things, I suppose, that's for another post) and asking them to help.

Let them email back. Let us set up a date for meeting up. Let me get it.

Berlin! Berlin! Berlin!

Tattoo Fury

Last night I sat and watched (at 4.30 am, ack) a show about a tattoo parlor in Miami Beach.

The people didn't appear to be dropping dead of the pain, although they make some seriously odd faces. I can do that!

So, in a fit of tattoo-finding fury, I located the following:
What do you think? I absolutely luuuuuurve spirals....I have spiral everything. Definitely my favourite.

I'm thinking smaller size *right* inbetween and a little above my shoulder blades. Whaddja think?

(Hopefully really great news tomorrow. Please keep fingers crossed!)

Wriggling with Glee

OOOHHHHAAA!

I am here to officially nominate Autumn Zephyr for ... well, whatever we can give out. I am waiting for perhaps the nicest gift evah - MAC AND CHEESE! OREOS!!! DORITOOOOOOOES! I'm trying to contain my glee but you know I'm failing.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart, the Cat thanks you from the bottom of HIS heart (he's never had Doritoes but he loves tortilla chips) and the dog is not happy.

It's not you, tho - we've discovered he is allergic to something, and he's got little bumps all over his body. We were at the vet today. Bleh. Monday he has to have a liter of blood taken for tests.

Poor thing.

In other news, I'm finishing up a project that could land me a job in Berlin, so if you've got any energy left, please send it my way!!! I'll keep you updated!

(PS positive energy really works!)

A nifty announcement

I am really excited to say that, in conjunction with Mama Kelly's "a blog of two witches" (and perhaps Stephs, but she's on holiday right now, whee) I'm going to be providing them with coloring sheets for the little pagan/heathens among us. How nifty is that?

Mama Kelly's got an outstanding idea going, providing pagan/heathen-y materials for kids, and I wanted to give a little something back to our online community....

So I'll be creating coloring-book pages for her great resource. (Did I mention I was a full scholarship music and art student, once upon a time?)

And...here is your chance to contribute. (You knew that was coming, right?) Our next larger holiday is Imbolc, and I've been researching on it and here are main ideas I've gleaned from online (it seems poor Imbolc is the red-headed stepchild of the pagan holidays?? I couldn't find much):

- Light / fire / purification
- Spring lambs and sheep
- Corn dolly ("bridie doll")
- Snowdrops and primroses emerging from the snow
- brighid
- bears and honey
- brighids cross/wheat

Anything I'm missing, that you know of? Please do let me know. I've decided this will be my evening fun for awhile, getting some built up. I'm going to break the pictures up for little kids (1-6) and older (7-?) ... I'm dreaming of big books full of coloring pages just over our holidays and everything.

Please let me know of any suggestions! I'm all excited!

Giving gives positive Energy!

The Cat has many toys, being a spoiled cat, but doesn't play with half of them. Some were baby-Cat toys, and some were thinking on my part he'd dig them, when he didn't. (His absolute two favourite toys are his cattree - best damn investment I've made - and his little fuzzy mouses that make rattling noises) The rest, as far as he's concerned, can go hang.

So, they're gonna! I've contacted the local tierheim (animal shelter) and they are going to come and pick them all up. It's not just one; I spent probably 200 euros on all those things together (stupid me) and he doesn't dig any of them.

Well, some cats with no forever homes will now, and that makes me feel gooood.

(I'm a talkative person today!)

I AM POWERFUL!

Tha's right! I am!

I have my own business and it is WORKING! Tha's right! I do!

I have the iCAT and boy-dog! Tha's right!

I am learning the pathways of my soul! So cool!

I have the BEST husband a girl could have! He supports AND kicks my *ss!

I was abused as a child! I am better today because I acknowledge it!

I live with a House Faery! His name is Eli, and he is awesome!

*****

You must self-empower yourself, because no-one else is going to do it for you!

YOU ROCK!

Energy and Intuition - where do they mix?

I was reading a very interesting post on a Pagan Sojourn by Blogickal author Angela-Eloise, which talked about how every thought we think is magic(k).

One paragraph, in particular, stood out: "Just as I learned early on how my words and thoughts had power, I also began to learn about energy. This work is at the core of witchcraft - you need to be able to work with energy to be an effective witch - and no matter how advanced a witch becomes, she will always return to these basic lessons again and again..."

Certainly an "a ha" moment.

How much does the energy all around us actually affect our intuition? Does our energy serve as a "notice board" of our interior being, in effect pulling to us what we're feeling? A help or a hindrance, so to say?

This is very interesting to me, as lately I've been very negative concerning my job situation. Fear and uncertainty cooperated to reduce me to a quivering mess...to freelance or not? if not, what about a job? can I find one? These questions have been circling in my mind like a flock of buzzards for some days.

I think my energy (and intuition in work) has suffered as a result of this fear and uncertainty...I've certainly received no new jobs, done nothing constructive about it. My husband says that my passion about it is gone, I think that my energy is dark and it's pulling more to me.

So I'm going to run myself a little experiment. Not blind optimism, but I'm going to start remembering all the companies that have put their faith in my writing skills every time I feel low. A litte like "awake" meditating, as soon as I recognize I'm feeling low, I'm going to try and actively think about positive aspects of my career. Same goes for the job...positive thinking is going to get me farther than anything...

The experiment starts today and runs this week. I'll keep you updated.

Humans: The Self decorating ape

First off: Yesterday I was feeling particularly low and darkness was bringing my soul down, but you all are amazing and I felt pretty restored (at least my faith in humanity). You are a wonderful person (speaking to all of you individually) and I find my life becoming so much richer through this blog and my way. You guys rock.

Sappiness over; back to our regularly scheduled programming. ;)

The New York Times had an interesting interview with Nina Jablonski of Penn State concerning her new book about skin. One very interesting quote got me thinking; she referred to humans as the "self-decorating ape".

How cool is that? Virtually everyone on this planet has that in common: some sort of hairstyle, jewelry, tattoos, etc...everybodys got something. Some ornate, some austure...I think that pagans/witches/heathens have some of the more ornate self decoration styles....

What do I have?

- A solid silver dragon celtic torq bracelet, from way back (Gael Song '92, isn't it funny. That bracelet could tell some stories). It's been 'round my wrist since then almost continuously. I plan on getting a braided Raven torq from Mystic Caravan soon to be my dragons' friend.
- The Wide Celtic Band - I wear it on my right forefinger, soon to be traded out for my new Ogham ring, of which I'm waiting (quite) impatiently for...
- The Lion/Dragon ring, which I found and mysteriously fits my beloved torq bracelet...(worn above the Celtic band, I have fiendishly long fingers)
- my darlin's wedding ring (on the right hand, as is custom here in Germany),
- my opal ring (can't find the picture, they must be all out, pity) on my left middle finger,
- The Heron band on my little left pinky (absolutely gorgeous, this ring)

and, 'round the neck, my dragon (with moonstone) pendant on a simple black leather thong that makes my (seeming) interest in dragons really stick with you. (I didn't realize how many dragon-themed things I have until just now. How bizarre.)

I searched long and hard for jewelry that would explain (to those who know how to look) exactly what I was without going for the whole black velvet crazy gothic look (seems to be particularly popular over here) or some other thing, which is so not me. I feel like Celtic knots signify me and my spiritual connection a heck of a lot more than a pentacle. JMO. I also adore the internet. If you look hard enough, you can find *anything* on here.

As to hair, I wear mine extremely short and dark red (think Judi Dench short) and as to style, very deep colors and simple cuts. I want a tattoo in between my shoulderblades but I'm afraid I'm a weenie, so probably won't get it. (but I really do dream of it...maybe some day I'll screw up the courage. Does anyone have one? Did they hurt????).

Quite the monkey I am! ooh ooh ee ee!

And you - how do you self-decorate yourself?? Do you tie it in with your way?

Bleh. Friday.

Most of the time I am completely happy in the place where I am...the country, I mean. Quality of life and all that.

But SOME days, like today, I long. Long, long long. It's the little things that get you. Like:

- Genuine, honest-to-goodness Kraft mac and cheese. I haven't had it in four years and it was my absolute favourite comfort food.
- Doritoes. They go with the Kraft to have me in a good mood in 15 seconds flat.
- Oreos. Dessert to the outstanding meal.
- Dr. Pepper. To drink, of course, with the outstanding meal!

I know, processed crap, but sometimes processed crap is just what the doctor ordered.

I have a lot of people ask me if I don't miss my family being here. My answer is no. They disowned me when I married a German (him being from the Nazi country, it makes sense he's one, right?? too many history channel episodes) although they were never there for me before that. I didn't miss them when I lived in the US. Even when I lived with them (and got out at the first possible opportunity).

What I do miss, people-wise, is the thrill of a friend to count on, to go out with, to see in person. I've made one here. In four years, and I'm a good outgoing sort of person with no bad habits or ugly smells. *Sigh.* Germans are notorious for sticking inside their little clicques, and too bad if you're coming later than their school-days, you're out. I made more stick-with-it friends in Australia in one year than here.

I am lucky in meeting people through this blog, and you all are great. I just wish you were here to hang out with. Consider this your invite. ;)

A bad, bad feeling

As I was walking to work yesterday (listening to the iPod, thank you honey!) I had to undo the buttons of my coat - it was too warm outside to wear it closed. In January. In Germany.

Walking along and trying to keep myself in the here and now, I went looking at the trees I passed - with every one showing signs of awakening from their wintery slumber.
In January. In Germany.

No snow. Only windy, windy days with constant slummy rain.

No real cold, either. Every once in awhile in December and January it acted like it wanted to turn into winter, but then changed its mind.

And you can't call this climate change?

We are running out of oil, developing too slowly alternative energy sources, and still barrelling along at an abusive pace! This scares me now more than it did when I was ignoring the inner part of myself. What will we do?

Germany, it must be said, is very strict about waste. Everything has a container, and you get fined for not using the correct ones. Brown, green and white glass are separate. Paper is picked up and recycled from a gigantic container in every street block. But what about America, a gigantic creator of waste, gigantic user of electricity, everything?

I'm afraid the changes will come too fast there, and too harsh. There was complaining when the gas prices went up! (So loud we heard it over here.)

One would hope that many would settle back into their small neighborhood of houses, growing their own foods and trading for needed supplies. I would do it now, if we had enough to purchase the land (after looking at potential weather and water changes worldwide, that is).

I have long been a fan of the Archdruid Report, who, in the last months of 2006, wrote a series of reports - calling it "deindustrial age" writings.

He had a recent entry I really liked. In it, he recommended 10 key points for helping to slow down (but not staunch) the deindustrial flow.

1. Replace your incandescent light bulbs with compact fluorescents

2. Retrofit your home for energy conservation

3. Cut back on your gasoline consumption

4. Plant an organic vegetable garden

5. Compost your food waste

6. Take up a handicraft

7. Adopt an “obsolete” technology

8. Take charge of your own health care

9. Help build your local community

10. Explore your spirituality

Even here in ole Germany I plan on initiating some of these changes....we don't have a car as we go everywhere by train. We'll continue to do this, once I am there in Leipzig. A balcony or garden (gardens are more expensive) is one of the key factors of any potential dwelling. Once there, I plan to buy plant hangers for the balcony and grow what all I can...definitely lettuce, spinach, beans, onions...root crops are a little difficult but he had a good idea in getting a large planter and maybe just putting one or two plants in there.

I have to go on a hard--core "stuff" spree and clean this house out before we go. My husband is of the packrat mentality and likes to keep everything. I'm a little (well, a lot) more zen and want to throw it all out. We'll do it on the weekends these next couple months and really *think* about what is staying and what is going.

As for handicrafts, this year I am doing my first two Reiki levels and I'd love to do acupuncture, but I think I'd need a lot of schooling for that, so I dunno. It's on the list to look into, though.

Even talking about it helps the really bad gut feeling begin to fade, although it's still there. I want to be optimistic! but the stomach (intuition??) says not.

Hm

The Cat has an unhealthy obsession with tortilla chips.

Developing Intuition

I've been very interested lately in developing myself inside, in areas I never considered: ergo, intuition (and empathy, but we'll go into that later) has been high on my to-do list.

The most comforting thing about it is it's all up to me. I have the possibilities in myself, and in this, I have some measure of control. Everyone has intuition, but sometimes it's not been used as in my case. So I take comfort in the fact that I have flabby psychic muscles. Now I have to tone them. (Thank goodness I don't have to put them on some sort of psychic diet).

Intuition is a valuable part of heathen-y type abilities. I mean, think about it; how often are you truly inside your body? Most people live inside their heads, with too much stress and everyday thoughts to really tune in to their intuition. So when it rears up and thumps them on the head, they are confused and don't know how to handle it or what exactly it is.

So I present a couple big recommendations from online, books and private thoughts on the matter.

Trust and follow hunches

I actually had this happen to me the other day. I was walking to work (I take the streetcar into town, but it's a 10 to 15 minute walk) when I had a sight of a bus pulling into the stop. It was a particular angle, this viewpoint, and I was confused, as the direction I was going would not permit me to see the bus in that angle if I was waiting on it.

But wait! There was another bus stop behind me, and as I turned around to check it I saw the bus and the angle perfectly. I had to hoof it, but I made it in. (This must have been a little psychic push from the cat, as we share a mighty dislike of rain and it was pouring down).

Markers or signs

Pay attention to particular markers or signs that keep popping up. I have read about this on other blogs, that particular numbers or pictures continuously show up. I have to be more aware of my surroundings to notice this (usually I have my head in the clouds when I'm walking) so I will attempt to do this more.

Learn how it comes to you

My intuition (although admittedly rather newly paid attention to) seems to come in the form of short pictures and strong feelings. I have been more inside my body through meditation lately (which is what numerous information bits recommend, to find your center) and what I've had so far seems to help this.

They also recommend dream journals and other things that make less sense to me. But these certainly do make a lot of sense. I think.

Here is a great article I found concerning the subject.

A shout-out and link

An online friend of mine is currently going through some difficulties, and as she is quite a worthy type, I wanted to specifically write this post to her and give her a link she can follow ... it might interest you, too.

Intuition can be a funny thing. In my peregrinations around the web, I often see posts and whatnot that address a specific interest of mine, and intuition lately seems to be a strong interest.

I'd completley blocked any type of it up til last year, but since accepting myself for what I am, I've been trying to concsiously open up to what my body and mind are saying. It actually works, too, which is really nice.

A seer I know of, Erin Pavlina, wrote about intuition on her blog yesterday and I think she has a good point: what seems like a clunker or mistake on your intuitions' part might not be. Here is the post link.

And here is a particular part that stuck out for me:

"This isn’t the first time I’ve followed my intuition and ended up in a pickle that later turned out to be a blessing. Sometimes we can’t always see where the road will go, we just know we need to be on it. Sometimes when it seems you’re lost, you’re actually right where you’re supposed to be. Sometimes when you feel like you’re headed in the wrong direction, a wonderful surprise is waiting for you just around the bend. Consult and trust your intuition. Especially if your mapping skills are similar to mine. "

So chin up, buddy, and know that it'll all work out for the best.

Sweden

The DH sent me the pictures of Sweden last night, so I put a couple up for your viewing.

We stayed at this house:
With this view:
Tons of little barns and workshops surround the house, such as this one:



I'm really fond of the stones everywhere that operate as cattle fences. On a forest trek, we happened to knock down a couple and could hardly get them back up.


And looked at this moon:



Meanwhile, the Cat stayed at home, enjoying his Yule present: a gigantic cat-tree his papa put together for him.

Oh, a job update

Thank you for thinking of me and my little situation here.

Before I go to bed, I thought I'd post an update of what I'm planning on doing with the job thing.

Here 'tis: I'm going to send my CV to two English jobs in Berlin. I am also going to work on a new, updated three month plan the hubby and I worked out this weekend for my freelancing. We'll give each three months (plus a further three for results) before any serious decisions are made. My soul calls out for the freelancing, but my wallet screams for a job. ;) I'm sure you understand the situation.

I've thrown it out to the gods of the trees and little folk. I've also asked our resident house faery, Eli, for his advice. He is a wise soul, and perhaps he'll have something constructive to add. (I've found out his favourite food so far: colored sugar sprinkles. He totally digs them).

In which I am naive

So holy cow, back from Leipzig today. Am I ever happy to be here. The Cat is here, the boy-dog (although he's not *so* excited I'm back, it means he's on a diet again) and my nice stones and calming things. I am so done travelling for awhile.

We had an auto accident! He backed right into me at a stoplight! Usually I have great reflexes, but there was a car behind me (that oh-so-helpfully left before I could get their name as a witness) and I was just shocked and didn't see it soon enough. The hubby saw it about one second before me, and threw his arm in front of me (sweet, but the car didn't move and we were not hurt).

The guy got out, and offered to pay everything, "just as long as we don't call the auto insurance". As there is a high rate of uninsured motorist types from the east (he was Russian and didn't want to give so many details), I totally disagreed and called the police, whereupon he informed us he would be CHANGING HIS STORY and saying he was rear-ended by us!

Can you imagine?

And sure enough, he did change his story. He's a real sorry liar. He wouldn't meet any of our eyes, and flushed absolute magenta when he told "his" side of the story. Me questioning him about why exactly he told us he would pay for everything as long as we didn't call the police was met with a stony silence and a questioning look by the policeman.

I was so mad, I couldn't see straight. SO mad. I haven't been infuriated like that in a long time. I wanted to hit him with every last ounce of power I had contained and reserved in my body. I could feel it in my hands, building, and in my head, between my eyes. But what could I do?

I am a scrupulously honest person and that was only the second straight-out lie I've been proxy to in my entire life (the first I was able to change, as I was an outside party, and yes, perhaps I've been a little sheltered from human contact).

But the scary thing was, this negative force (I don't know what to call it) had to come out. I couldn't in all honesty loose it at him (although I *so* longed to) and no-one else deserved it. But like a wild horse, it was getting away from me.

So I sent it into the earth.

I don't know if that was the right thing to do, or not. But it was the safest thing I could think of - it might diffuse through the air, or hit someone unintentionally, or something. I don't know! I was absolutely wiped out and had a roaring headache afterward. We went home and veged while I thought about this new development. I have a temper but it doesn't show itself often. This raging horse thing I've never had happen.

I've been working on myself and my magical energies, empowering things and doing nice magic, but this was the flip side of the coin and I wasn't prepared for it. It makes sense to me now that of course what happens for good also can happen for bad, but I'd never actually encountered that before. I never thought I'd have a moment like that. I have to practice and prepare myself for that eventuality now, or at least have a strongly-ingrained preparation for times like that.

The saddest thing was the lie, though.

What kind of person could that be? I'm sad for him - and for me. The car can be fixed, and the insurance certainly won't pay for his (Germany is a contributory insurance country - if you contribute to the accident the others' insurance is not liable to pay) but the one little lie....it hurts me that he thought of nothing but his insurance. I'm sad.

Have you ever had this happen? What have you done? I'd love input, here.

***Edit: I have the feeling that I need a serious person that will teach me and help me understand. I don't want to hurt anything or anybody, and now I'm scared. I'm off to practice my grounding exercises before I go to bed.

Traveller

Writing this from an internet cafe in the not-so-sunny city of Leipzig. We are looking for flats here for the new move (coming up, coming up - perhaps in a couple of months?)

I did find some very interesting information, though.

Thanks to WitchVox, I have located a group of female heathens that are based in this area (between Chemnitz and Leipzig). That will be very cool when I am here finally. Also, Brocken mountain (where the witches in Germany all fly to on Walpurgisnacht - Beltaine) is only one hour away. You can guarantee I will be going out there to see what I can feel asap.

The freelancing thing is going. German companies do not dig freelancers, in a huge way. Sometimes it is a bit distressing. But I have recently decided to broaden my horizons, so to say, and hit up Switzerland and Austria (as they both have German speaking parts), Belgium (ditto), Netherlands (as they need native speakers) and Sweden (just cause I wanna).

The husband thinks I should try to find a job in berlin and just do that. I am unsure, as I have always wanted to really give this the good ole college try. I vacillate.

Which is also why I am here, to think about what to do for a couple days. I am so unsure.

At least I have my rocks (amethyst, agate, quartz) that help to ease the troubled mind.

Back and alive

Back, safe and sound, from the cold north.

Actually, it wasn't so cold. Well cold, windy, yes, but not snowy, if you can believe it. Our hosts said it was absolutely bizarre (thank you climate change) that the lady could go into the forest at this time of the year and pick mushrooms. They were somewhat worried, but the mushrooms tasted great.

Sweden is gorgeous. I didn't know if I would like it, but as long as you're an outdoors sort of person, it rocks. We were in Onsala, which is old Swedish for "Odin's cemetery". Onsala is located on the west coast, close to Denmark, where all the old Vikings regularly sailed through. The house is old, and was in fact the house of a sailor for many years before he died (a watery grave) and it passed on.

We got to see some great old artifacts they had found when plowing...numerous Viking axes (blo*dy big and heavy, too) with fish scrapers and other tools out of flint. They'd had them checked, and found that the materials used to make the tools had come from Gottland (a little island off the east coast) or Denmark. So nifty.

Our hosts were great, but the best part for me was when we got to go into the forest (the hubby's was when we were back in civilization ... he's not so much the landscape sort of guy). It felt so old, and you could feel things watching you and if you just sent out your awareness a little, they'd come closer. The pine trees are so tall and thin, and you stand amongst them and feel the wind flowing past...it's not a stretch to expect some Viking raiders to come tromping through. I was in bliss, although completely frozen by the end.

There was a real connection to the place. Equally as much as Australia, which is saying something.

I was kind of sad to leave it, the soul of the forest really called out to me. But no worries, we get to go back in summer and visit again. Woot!

Interesting facts (I love to collect these):

- Morfar and Mormor - the parents (Mor - mother, Far - father) of your mother
- Farfar and Farmor - the parents of your father

* I particularly thought this made great sense. No questions about which grandma or grandpa (oma or opa) here! We stayed with the Mormor and Morfar of my old friend, and it was great.

- Tack, tack-su-mikke - Thank you and Thank you very much
- Hej (pronounced Hey) - hello
- "En, du, hen/huhn/den or dyuit" - the "I, you, he/she/it" part of Swedish

Swedish has lots of ties to German, and so I'm going to take a basic course in it. If I get decent, I can also contact ad agencies there for work.

I have some pictures although they're on the hub's laptop. As soon as I get them I'll post them.

Oh, and one last note. Never use Ryanair unless you are willing to go through a heck of a lot of hassle and have leftover aggression. That was by far the worst part of the trip, and we'll never, ever use them again. Ugh.