1.07.2007

In which I am naive

So holy cow, back from Leipzig today. Am I ever happy to be here. The Cat is here, the boy-dog (although he's not *so* excited I'm back, it means he's on a diet again) and my nice stones and calming things. I am so done travelling for awhile.

We had an auto accident! He backed right into me at a stoplight! Usually I have great reflexes, but there was a car behind me (that oh-so-helpfully left before I could get their name as a witness) and I was just shocked and didn't see it soon enough. The hubby saw it about one second before me, and threw his arm in front of me (sweet, but the car didn't move and we were not hurt).

The guy got out, and offered to pay everything, "just as long as we don't call the auto insurance". As there is a high rate of uninsured motorist types from the east (he was Russian and didn't want to give so many details), I totally disagreed and called the police, whereupon he informed us he would be CHANGING HIS STORY and saying he was rear-ended by us!

Can you imagine?

And sure enough, he did change his story. He's a real sorry liar. He wouldn't meet any of our eyes, and flushed absolute magenta when he told "his" side of the story. Me questioning him about why exactly he told us he would pay for everything as long as we didn't call the police was met with a stony silence and a questioning look by the policeman.

I was so mad, I couldn't see straight. SO mad. I haven't been infuriated like that in a long time. I wanted to hit him with every last ounce of power I had contained and reserved in my body. I could feel it in my hands, building, and in my head, between my eyes. But what could I do?

I am a scrupulously honest person and that was only the second straight-out lie I've been proxy to in my entire life (the first I was able to change, as I was an outside party, and yes, perhaps I've been a little sheltered from human contact).


But the scary thing was, this negative force (I don't know what to call it) had to come out. I couldn't in all honesty loose it at him (although I *so* longed to) and no-one else deserved it. But like a wild horse, it was getting away from me.

So I sent it into the earth.

I don't know if that was the right thing to do, or not. But it was the safest thing I could think of - it might diffuse through the air, or hit someone unintentionally, or something. I don't know! I was absolutely wiped out and had a roaring headache afterward. We went home and veged while I thought about this new development. I have a temper but it doesn't show itself often. This raging horse thing I've never had happen.

I've been working on myself and my magical energies, empowering things and doing nice magic, but this was the flip side of the coin and I wasn't prepared for it. It makes sense to me now that of course what happens for good also can happen for bad, but I'd never actually encountered that before. I never thought I'd have a moment like that. I have to practice and prepare myself for that eventuality now, or at least have a strongly-ingrained preparation for times like that.

The saddest thing was the lie, though.

What kind of person could that be? I'm sad for him - and for me. The car can be fixed, and the insurance certainly won't pay for his (Germany is a contributory insurance country - if you contribute to the accident the others' insurance is not liable to pay) but the one little lie....it hurts me that he thought of nothing but his insurance. I'm sad.

Have you ever had this happen? What have you done? I'd love input, here.

***Edit: I have the feeling that I need a serious person that will teach me and help me understand. I don't want to hurt anything or anybody, and now I'm scared. I'm off to practice my grounding exercises before I go to bed.

3 comments:

AutumnZ said...

i think you did the right thing by sending the rage into the ground. It shows a very clear head in the face of all that. I think the Earth is strong and solid enough to disperse the negative energy and transform it.

Genhywfar said...

Autumn, I sure hope so...I've had a night of sleep and can see it a little better now, and I think it's still the best thing I could have done.

I'm really glad, though, that you agree.

Serenity, The City Witch said...

I definitely agree that sending that energy into the Earth was the best grounding technique you could have possibly used and the safest for all involved.

Trust your instincts and intuition -- they are every witch's best friend, and you are better at this and a little further down the road than you think you are.